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Joel Fleischman
|nickname = Fleischman |alias = |species = Human |gender = Male |occupation = |title = Doctor |family = Herb Fleischman (father) Nadine Fleischman (mother) Naomi Fleischman (grandmother)"Only You" (3-2)Lives in , New York City |partner = Elaine (former fiancée) |children = |relatives = Jules Fleischman (brother) |religion = |nationality = American |first = Pilot |last = The Quest }} , is the central character of , played by . Joel is a - native from and son to Herb and Nadine Fleischman (who visit him once)."Birds of a Feather" (5-6) He agreed to practice medicine in for four years as a condition of his at , as he claims he went through 75 scholarship applications with Alaska being the only one to say yes. Initially assigned to , he finds himself tied against his will to Cicely, Alaska, where wander on the , s are unknown,"A Kodiak Moment" (1-7) and ing (Joel's an avid fan) isn't very practical."Dreams, Schemes and Putting Greens" (1-4)"Realpolitik" (6-10) He will be and the alternative is a $10,000 and . The clash of Joel's big-city background with Cicely's frontier culture, and his relations with its colorful people, are key elements of the show. Joel's is also a contrast to the various happenings around the town. However, towards the end of the series, Joel is seemingly won over by the lure of the Alaskan wilderness, and decides to stay on as a "bush doctor" helping those in remote areas."Up River" (6-8) When the state of Alaska releases him from his contract, he embarks on a quest to find the fabled "Jewel City" of the north, only to realize it is his beloved New York. His final appearance on the show is on a approaching ."The Quest" (6-15) Love life Originally, Joel has a , Elaine, in New York when he arrives in Cicely but she breaks up with him via a , devastating him,"Goodbye to All That" (2-1) though they later mend things and end their relationship on a good note."Roots" (3-7) Throughout the series, Joel has a with Maggie O'Connell, has sex with her"Ill Wind" (4-16) (they finally agree they have a "mutually desirous "),"Family Feud" (4-19) and is even to her for a brief time."Full Upright Position" (6-7) Quotes ;Pilot (1-1) Joel: I will under no condition spend the best years of my life in the worst place on Earth! Joel: I don't don't like it - I hate it! And I demand to leave! ... Well that is because you are not the one who is supposed to spend the next 4 years of his life in this Godforsaken , with a bunch of dirty, s! Holling: You haven't heard back from your attorney, huh? Joel: Well, no - but as I'm sure you know, these are very, very complex legal issues here, and they take quite some time to sort out. Besides, she's got . Maggie: Look, you know, if you'd rather spend the night here than at my place, don't let me get in your way! Joel: Look, I don't want to tell you how to run your business, but this petulant aggressive thing is a real turnoff... Maggie: I am not a ... . I'm your landlord. Joel: (to Maggie after a few s) You're kinda pretty in a, like, clean sort of way. Joel: (after Edna attacks her husband Walter twice in two days) The way I see it we have three options: , separation, or you two can start talking to one another. Now, how many hands do I see for divorce? (Marilyn raises her hand; Joel doesn't miss a beat) Separation? OK, then you two should talk to each other. Joel: And if I leave? 10,000 dollars or 18 years in jail...and 18 years in jail?!? ---- ;"Brains, Know-How, and Native Intelligence" (1-2) Joel: My is broken. Maggie: I know, you've told me. Joel: No, actually that's not true. It never really worked so maybe not working is its natural working condition. Maggie: What's wrong with it? Joel: What is wrong with it? How am I supposed to know what's wrong with it? Maggie: Common sense, maybe? You're a doctor. You're smart. You're brilliant. Toilets are dumb. Joel: I think this is a complicated problem. We're not talking about your average toilet malady. There is something very, very wrong with this toilet. Maggie: You tried to fix it? Joel: Yeah, I listened to it with my and I used a ! Now, I asked you three times. I cannot live without a toilet! Maggie: Holling spent the best years of his life without a toilet. Didn't you, Holling? Holling: In ; didn't bring no . Joel: Look, um...uh, I'm not the type. I had a friend who joined the and went to the African National Republic and, uh, he had a toilet! Holling: It's terrible what's happening in Africa. It's one of the reasons why I stopped killing the big guys. (turns around to look at hanging on the wall behind the bar, pats it, and puts his arm around it before turning back around) Uh, you're welcome to use my , Joel. Joel (entering his office and sees Ed sitting in his seat): Oh, hi Ed! Make yourself comfortable. Can I get you a cup of coffee--maybe a ? Ed: Ehh, no thanks...maybe later. (gets up) Ed: He is a doctor. Joel: Oh really? Which kind? Ed: Witch. Joel: Which which? Ed: Which what? Joel: ? Ed: Right. Ed: Indians don't ; it's . Joel: No? What the hell do Indians do? Ed: Use the . Joel: Who is that? Chris: Mindy? Joel: She from around here? Chris: No. She's from, uh, Boston. Joel: Yeah? Where'd you find her? Chris: In the woods. Joel: In the woods? Which woods? These woods? Chris: Mm-hmm. Joel: Y-You found a girl from Boston that looks like that, in these woods? Chris: Yeah. Joel: Wh-What was she doing here? Chris: Just walkin'. Joel (chuckles) ---- ;"Soapy Sanderson" (1-3) Chris: Soapy once told me that the thing he loved most about was its sense of myth. There's heroes and villains, good and bad, right and wrong. The protagonists strolls into bar, which he sees as a microcosm of the big picture. He contemplates his existence and he asks himself, 'who's that babe in the red dress?' (turns to'' Joel) All right.'' Well, you know the way I see it, if you're here for four more years or four more weeks; you're here right now. You know, and I think when you're somewhere you ought to be there, and because it's not about how long you stay in a place. It's about what you do while you're there. And when you go is that place any better for you having been there?See Am I answering your question?. Joel: Uh, no, not really. Chris: (laughs) What was your question? Joel: What am I gonna say to Maggie? Chris: I don't know. Joel: It would help if I hadn't had to sleep in a kennel. I-I can't even think straight. Chris: I think you oughta just be honest. You know, don't skirt the issue. Don't...you know, just deal with it head-on. Joel: I know. Chris: I'd tell her she's got great lips. Joel: (to Maggie) I don't like people committing . All the ethical considerations aside, it's just plain bad for business. Maggie: (to Joel) A man--a dead man--puts you in his will, and naturally you would think there's some ulterior motive. Maggie: All you care about is you, and New York, and your precious career! Joel: Look, , I did not get off the plane and say that I am , kindly physician, and all around swell guy! Okay!?! I was fully prepared to do my time in Anchorage, but I am contractually bound to this under false pretenses and against my will. So if I resort to some unscrupulous practices to right a greater wrong, look, where's when it comes to Joel Fleischman?!? Joel: (to Ed) I just don't like having remains in my mouth--I mean, even people I know. Joel: (to Ed) The only consequence of all this will be, that whenever I open a nice , there will be the distant, distasteful memory of a nutcase who tried to kill me because I allowed her to kiss me on the cheek under false pretenses. I can live with it. ---- ;"Dreams, Schemes and Putting Greens" (1-4) Joel: You up here for some specific reason, or was it a little slow in the today? Ed: No, they're about the same as always. Joel: Chris is ordained? Maggie: He answered a on the back of . ---- ;"Russian Flu" (1-5) Maggie: Would you like me to rub this all over you? Joel: Yeah, that would be... You would? Maggie: In your dreams, Fleischman. ---- "Sex, Lies and Ed's Tape" (1-6) Joel: Nonspecific . Ya hear what I'm sayin'? Ya hear what I'm talkin' about? It's not catchy, but you ought to keep the falcon under wraps for a awhile. Otherwise, we're gonna have to clip his wings. Ya hear what I'm sayin', Valentino. Chris: Yeah, I hear ya. (car horn honks) Joel: Hey! Hey! I'm crossin' here! I'm crossin' here! You don't talk to a learned physician that way! Same to you, pal! Can't wait to get that jerk in the examining room. I got a with his name on it. Yeah, let me take you to . He's a friend of mine. Chris: You know Donald Trump? Joel: Oh, yeah. I started him out in the business, actually. Chris: Whoo, boy! ---- ;"A Kodiak Moment" (1-7) Joel: There are four words you need to know to adequately prepare yourself for childbirth. Take notes here, ladies: I...want...my...epidural. Maurice: Do you know what the motto of the state of Alaska is, Joel? Joel: " '? Maurice: No. "North to the future." That's my motto too. The compass point to opportunity. The direction for tomorrow. Joel: A in every pot; a in every garage. Maurice: Space, son... ...room to build, room to grow. Joel: You are the man for the job, Maurice; a on the battlefield of history. If anyone can Alaska, it's you. Maurice (chuckles): Kind words, son. But the Minnifield empire will not bear fruit in one man's lifetime. Joel: Yeah, I hear it didn't work out with you and Chris. I'm sorry. You know, maybe you could start a : The Minnifield Foundation. It worked for ; . Maurice: No...I've come up with something else, Joel. Joel: Really? What's that? Maurice: I've decided to . (Joel laughs) ---- ;"Aurora Borealis" (1-8) Joel: Hey Ed, what is this--is this a ? Ed: Looks like a track. Joel: Looks fresh. You know, not that I know what a fresh track looks like, but that...that's big, whatever it is. What? What is it? What's wrong? Ed: It's a bare . Joel: As in footprint? Ed: No, more like as in a person . Adam: You know who I am? Do you understand what I'm trying to say? Do you know who I am? Joel: No. Adam: I'm Adam. Joel (amused): Well, I'm ! Adam: What? Joel: You're not Adam. Adam: What do you mean, I'm not A--I'm Adam! Joel: No, you're not. You're not Adam. ---- ;"Goodbye to All That" (2-1) Joel: Sex should be wild. Unfettered and free. We're animals, aren't we? And, basically, we're all in . I always wanted more. Not frequency; I am not talking about frequency--although that would have been great, too. I wanted more intensity. I wanted to be out there, outside myself, outside my skin. I wanted sex to be like robbing life out of the jaws of death! Maggie: Wow... Joel: Are you okay? Maggie: Why? Joel: Well, it's 20 below out and you're breaking a sweat. ---- ;"Spring Break" (2-5) Joel: Yeah I'm upset. Ya wanna know why, Ed? I'll tell you. As a physician, I realize that sexual release is not crucial to survival, say like water or . But when a healthy 28-year-old male is deprived of that release, he has an awful hard time enjoying his survival. Ruth-Anne: Here's your lingerie magazine. I was just leafing through it. Joel: Thanks. Ruth-Anne: Oh, wait a minute. Uh, you're using that for purposes, huh? Joel: What? What kind of purposes? Ruth-Anne: Auto-erotic. Joel (flustered): Me? No Not at all. Absolutely not! I was just going to order my mom a . Ruth-Anne: I think you need something a little more exciting. Joel: Exciting? Ruth-Anne: Here's a . Eli Nute died a month before his subscription expired. Joel (tries not to look interested in the Playboy): Oh no. Really? Ruth-Anne (reads the caption): Women of . Joel: Yeah well, I mean a lot of exceptional writers contribute to Playboy. There's , uh, , the late --an interview with ?! Ruth-Anne: Don't worry Dr. Fleishmann, its that time of year. Everybody's libido has run amok. Joel: They rate the top ten es! Now I, uh, wanna read this! Ruth-Anne: I think I've got something for you a little racier in the back room. ---- ;"Spring Break" (3-2) Joel: Do you believe this; have you ever seen a man with this kind of incredible irresistible magnetism for the opposite sex? Ed: Joel: That, that's the movies Ed; try reality. Ed: No, thanks. Joel: What's your recollection? Shelly: My ? ---- ;"Oy, Wilderness" (3-3) Joel: What are s anyway? Are they little that swarm all over you and nibble you to death? ---- ;"Animals R Us" (3-4) Ed: Marty says he likes things a little unfocused. When he started all he had was the and a he found. Joel: Wait a minute. You're talking about the director of Mean Streets and ? Ed: Yeah. Joel (unconvinced): You know Martin Scorsese the director? Ed: Not really but we're s. Joel: You and Martin Scorsese the director are pen pals? Ed: Yup. (holds up a ) Joel (reads letter): "Dear Ed, Good luck with your movie. -Marty" Ed (holds up another letter): This one's from . When was threatened with the he wanted me to see how much he rewrites on the set. (holds up a baseball cap) I got this hat from . Steven said it brought him luck so now I can't give up. ---- ;"The Body in Question" (3-6) Joel: So you put 2 and 2 together and came up with 22? Shelly: Yeah. ---- ;"A-Hunting We Will Go" (3-8) Joel: (to Maggie) I definitely feel like I've been through something. The experience of , it was great--it really was. Being out in the bush or whatever, the-the expectancy. The excitement. The total blood rush. And the killing. I mean, especially the killing. The killing was the best part. It was the dying I couldn't take. ---- ;"Get Real" (3-9) Marilyn: Maurice needs some more . Joel: Yeah, there you go, right? Antifungal cream. That is what I do. I treat . I treat , s, s. Every once in a while I get lucky. I mean, something really challenging like an or . I'm not a physician. I'm a . ... Joel: When I finally complete this , no one's even gonna remember who Joel Fleischman is. ---- ;"Mud and Blood" (4-23) Joel (after taking a sip of alcohol): . You know, it's not bad, actually. It's kind of tart. It's not unlike a . References Category:Males